We all say that we want healthy relationships — but I think what we really mean is that we all want easy relationships. Because let me tell you, healthy relationships are NOT all they’re cracked up to be. Healthy relationships are hard — but not in the ways that you may think.

It’s not about self-sacrifice or getting your partner to meet your needs. No, luckily those things are easy in healthy relationships. What’s hard about healthy relationships is having to look at yourself for who you’ve been in the past and how you are currently showing up in your relationship.

“Healthy” is subjective.

What I decide is a delicious and healthy relationship for myself may not be the same for you. But typically speaking, healthy relationships consist of open communication, mutual respect, common goals and values, honesty, love, passion, intimacy, trust, and fantastic sex (obviously).

Ask the average person what they would consider a healthy relationship and they will likely mention any of the above.

RELATED: 47 Essential Pieces Of Advice For Couples Who Want To Have A Healthy Relationship

One of the most important ingredients in a healthy relationship pie, for me, was common goals and values. I am a self-development, human experience junkie. I want to get inside people’s minds and pull out every dark urge and shadow they’ve ever hidden from anyone

I want to know myself and my loved ones on every possible level. I’m built differently than most. So, I knew I wanted a partner with the same sort of values and a relationship that would facilitate my growth and healing.

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