Ever wanted to try anal but just couldn’t get your head I to the right space? Maybe you were worried about what others would think if they found out, or worry that it is unhealthy, dangerous, weird. Worry not! I’m here to shine some light into the dark cracks where these myths hide!
Myth #1: It’s Dirty
It is understandable how this myth may have come about considering it is sexual play involving the anus, however, the belief that anal sex is dirty or filthy is one that is just not true.
As a society, we tend to demonize the anus, giving it a bad reputation. Whenever we describe it, it is never in a positive light. Anything related to the anus, heck, even the word itself, tends to make some people a little uncomfortable. Society based made the anus a one-way street with no other function than to secrete excrement. Clearly, this is not the case.
The anus is the home to erogenous zones for both men and women – for men, it is the easiest and most efficient way to stimulate the prostate, which can lead to absolutely mind blowing orgasms, if you are capable of removing the stigma from the action and allow yourself to enjoy it. For women, it can be both pleasurable penetration as well as cause pressure in all the right places, especially when paired with vaginal penetration and/or clitoral stimulation to bring about the same explosive outcome. It will have you and your lover seeing stars!
The constant worry that it is a messy act is a silly one to have. Fecal matter does not reside in the anus. It is housed in the colon, which you would not be able to penetrate with fingers or most toys (and should never attempt to penetrate, regardless). And of course, should you or your partner have any concerns, a simple shower beforehand, or a more thorough, quick enema will ensure there is not a single trace left to fret about, clearing a path for enjoyable, worry-free anal exploration! And always remember to use a condom, latex glove or dental dam to keep you and your partner safe!
Myth #2: Enjoying Anal Makes You Gay
This is a clearly antiquated notion from a time of intolerance and ignorance, and while we all hope and wish that this viewpoint has died out, it still remains in the minds of some. The first thing that should be made clear, dear reader, is that whatever kind of sex you enjoy does not define you, your sexual orientation or your gender. One should never even think to equate sexual acts to gender identification or sexual orientation. What makes a person gay is their romantic interest in partners of the same sex. And furthermore, the negativity attached to this stigma and myth is one that should not be adopted by any forward thinking, sex-conscious individual. Everyone should be free to love and make love to whomever they please.
That being said, enjoying or being interested in anal sex means one thing, and one thing only: that you enjoy or are interested in anal sex. Whether you are male, female, transgender, non-binary, you should never feel ashamed for wanting to try out something new. It is your body, after all, and no one has the right to tell you what you should and should not enjoy with your earthly vessel.
Myth #3: Anal Sex Hurts….A LOT!
While there may be some initial discomfort with this new type of penetration, there is no reason that anal sex should be painful, unless there is forcible entry, no lubrication, or the receiver is already very deep inside their head and has become too nervous, scared, or tense to enjoy it. Anal can be very, very pleasurable, and here are some tips on how to increase the success rate and decrease discomfort and pain.
The first and foremost is relaxation. You want to both be calm, collected, and even excited to try this. The moment you become scared or stressed, muscles in the anus are trained to tense up making any form of penetration very difficult. Start with some foreplay to get you both in the mood and get those feel good chemicals flowing. Assume a position that helps you to relax that area of your body and also makes entry easier – doggy style is a perfect example, though it may lack the eye contact and intimacy. Once you have tested the waters and you and your partner both feel more confident and comfortable with what you are doing, you can always switch to missionary for that eye-to-eye connection.
What’s next? Lube! I cannot stress enough how important lubricant is. The anus is NOT like the vagina. It does NOT self-lubricate like the vagina does. When you are aroused, the anus does not secrete anything to assist with penetration. Therefore, a proper lubricant is important. And I’m not talking about just a bit of spit.
If you are using a silicone toy for anal, make sure you do not use silicone-based lubricants. Instead, try a water-based lubricant. While it will not stay as slick as long as a silicone lubricant, and may require a couple extra applications depending on how rigorous you and your partner decide to be and how long you intend to go, it is still perfectly fine.
Try our Wicked Aqua Water-Based Lubricant ($15.04 USD) available here..
Do NOT use a glycerin based lubricant. It can cause a breeding ground for yeast, and may actually be harmful to you or your partner if either of you is a diabetic.
If you are using fingers or other fleshy appendages, use the silicone lube. It will stay slick longer and is thick enough that it will really help with movement working with such a tight area. Check out our water-silicone hybrid lube – perfect for anal play!
Wicked Hybrid Water & Silicone Blended Lubricant ($20.30 USD) available here.
Also integral to a happy anal sex experience is communication! Check with each other every step of the way. If you are the one doing the penetrating, check in and ask your partner what they are feeling and whether they are okay with the sensations they are feeling. Start off slow by just touching around the anus, teasing it. Next, lightly press against it, and then try to move a small amount of whatever you are using inside of your partner. Ask if they want more. Tell them how you are feeling – whether you are aroused, excited, or if you yourself are uncomfortable, do not be afraid to voice that as well. Open and honest communication is key in all things and especially in sexual engagement. Manipulation and guilt have no place in a relationship, let alone the bedroom. Do not bring those tactics to a space that is supposed to be open, caring and safe. If one or both of you is uncomfortable to the point you do not wish to continue, then stop, talk about it, and move on. Do not try to coerce any unwilling participant to participate.
Lastly, if you’re getting cold feet looking at how big your partner, toy, or tool is, start with something small that is not intimidating – a finger is always a good choice because you both can feel how your bodies are reacting to it. Always try to start small and work your way up to bigger things. Anal training is very important. While the anus has a lot of give, you do need to warm the muscles up first, like you would before a long jog or working out at the gym.
Myth #4: Anal Sex Is VERY Dangerous
Any kind of sex CAN be dangerous if you do not take the necessary precautions. You can get STI’s and STD’s from any kind of unprotected sex with partners who are infected. It is not more or less likely whether the sex is anal or vaginal. There is a chance for tearing if you go too fast or too hard without taking your time and using ample lubrication. Think with your brain instead of your libido and you will be just fine!
Myth #5: Anal Sex Makes You Loose
Myth alert! Any sort of penetrative intercourse will not loosen the orifice over time. What may happen is that you get used to it mentally and become less tense, thereby making sex easier. The more you enjoy it, the easier it becomes, the more endorphins are released, and the more muscles will be able to stretch without pain. This does not mean you’ve weakened your muscles. In fact it should allow for more control over it and provides a great workout for your pelvic floor muscles!
As you can see, an al sex really isn’t that scary, dirty, or weird as some may think! In fact, it is one of the top ranking “taboo” sexual acts people want to try. So do not feel as though you are alone in your desire to go where no man or woman has gone before! Just follow our simple tips and you and your partner will find yourselves in sexual bliss!
All this being said, not everyone enjoys anal. Just like anything else, some people just have no interest or desire to try anal, and that is okay, too. Do not feel bad if you don’t even want to try it. As always, it is your body, and your choice! Whatever you choose, always be safe, communicate, and have fun!