Is he dreaming about a life with you … or is something else going on?
When you’ve been dating a guy for a while, it’s natural to wonder where the relationship is going, if he’s “the one,” and when to talk about marriage.
You may think he’s been giving you all kinds of hints, maybe even suggestions, but how do you know when your boyfriend is seriously interested in a future with you — one that includes not just a committed relationship but, hopefully, marriage?
How do you know if he’s the one?
To you gain some clarity, here are three signs he wants to marry you that will help you know if a guy is genuinely talking about a future with you that he fully intends to make happen.
1. He talks about what will happen “someday.”
When a guy starts musing about how he wants to have kids someday, or get married someday, he’s warming up and trying the idea on for size.
He’s also looking for your reaction. And when I say looking, I mean that literally. He’s looking at your body language. Do you smile or frown? Do you seem interested or indifferent?
I strongly suggest you do not jump all over this seeming invitation to say something and instead use your body language and smile if you’re interested. Resist the urge to talk about it at this point. Remember he’s only trying it on for size and looking for your reaction.
The first step for a man to want a future with you is to imagine what it would be like. He’s role-playing to get an idea of how it feels to be with you. Play along. because it’s fun and it will get you used to the idea as well, but, remember he’s not serious yet.
2. He talks about what will happen “soon.”
Soon means he’s starting to establish a timeline. While he’s still fishing, he will start asking you questions often out of the blue like, when do you want to have kids? When do you want to get married?
I suggest you answer these questions honestly, because now he is sizing himself up to see if he believes he will be able to deliver.
Men are noble in this regard. They only want to talk about a future they believe they can provide. Be honest so you can build a strong foundation. Anything less means you will be building on sand. You want to be with a man who is forming a realistic timeline … which leads us to number three.
3. He starts talking in terms of a definitive plan.
When a man wants to have a future with you he goes from A to B to C. In other words, he takes things one step at a time.
For example first, he talks about getting you a ring. Then he gets you a ring. Then you spend a definitive period of time being engaged. Then he’s ready to get married at a certain date.
Men know they need to grow into responsibility, and that is why they take it step-by-step. With all that said it is still vitally important that you be with a man who has a definitive plan and timeline for the future. Otherwise, you only have a dream that can easily go up in smoke.
At this point, I want to suggest that it takes a year to get to know somebody.
Don’t sign any contracts or make any legal agreements for at least a year.
On the flip side, it’s important to have momentum. The sweet spot is about a year and a half. This gives you enough time to get to know each other, while still having momentum working in your favor.
A man who is genuine starts with a “someday I want.” That lets you role play together and try things on for size.
It becomes more real when he moves into “coming soon” territory, which means he questions your timeline with questions about when.
A man with a definitive plan creates a definitive timeline, asks you how you feel about it, and takes action to make it real.
Talking about a future is great. A man who wants to share how to build it with you is what makes it a reality.
James Allen Hanrahan is a highly sought after relationship coach for strong women based in Los Angeles. If you’re a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, check out the treasure trove of information in his book, Dating Advice For Alpha Women.