At the very least, it won’t be a healthy relationship.
By Marwan Jamal
Editor’s note: The following is based on scientific research only and is not to be considered as medical advice.
The narcissist, the unstable and the paranoid. These are the three types of people you should never be in a relationship with — or even date.
According to the former FBI agent, and best-selling author, Jon Navaro, these three personality types make almost 75 percent of the world’s most dangerous people — the rest is for psychopaths and sexual predators — and bonding with any of them can threaten both your physical and mental well-being.
I’ve done my research and below is a short profile for each of the three types. It will show you how they think and why you should avoid being in a relationship with one of them.
1. The Narcissist
The name came after the Greek myth of Narcissus, the handsome hunter from Boeotia who fell in love with his reflection and kept staring at it until he died. There are many causes for narcissism but the most common is caused by the parents and they are: abuse, neglect and — the other side of the spectrum — excessive pampering.
Narcissistic personalities care only about themselves and their needs. They’re, entitled, arrogant and with a very high sense of self. They also crave admiration and will do anything to get it which is why they spend more energy, time and money on looking attractive.
These personalities see few faults in themselves. They are never at fault and will lash out if you ever treat them in a way less unique than how they think you should. The easiest way to spot a narcissist is to criticize him or try to prove him wrong.
According to psychologist Dr. Scott Keiller from Kent State University, narcissistic men, especially heterosexuals, are the most hostile to heterosexual women. “Their lack of empathy, inflated sense of superiority and perceptions of being deprived of ‘deserved’ admiration and gratification can make them prone to aggression and vengeance” Keiller revealed.
A narcissist will do anything to get his way, including cheating. Though they can be sweet and very charming, they’ll never show empathy for you — unless they want something. In fact, the more you stick around, the more you realize they don’t care about you. Want proof? You’ll never catch a narcissist in a corner, no matter how faulty you think they are.
They will charm you at the beginning of a relationship then everything will go down from there. Your sole existence should be altered to satisfy them and no one else, and no matter how hard you try, narcissists will bully you and will always make you feel incomplete.
2. The Emotionally Unstable
People with borderline personality disorder have trouble maintaining interpersonal relationships, and may not present themselves as the partner for whom you’ve been looking. They are unpredictable, lack empathy — though they may seem charming at first — impulsive and move from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other in a blink of an eye. They are also irrational especially in the way they see themselves and the way they set boundaries for you.
A good way to identify an emotionally unstable person — next to their gambling behavior — is to look at their track record relationship-wise. They, especially the female type, are also known for their many relationships and multiple divorces mainly because they struggle between their fear of abandonment and the fear of being entrapped which confuses the shit out of you or any future lover.
They will invite you to get closer to acting super attached, and maybe clingy. But that invitation will backfire on you once you move closer. They will simply feel suffocated and eventually flee which forces you to step back and give them space. In fact, even then they will come back whining about how you no longer care about them. They may also harm themselves or threaten to commit suicide.
Simply put, to be around an emotionally unstable partner is like an endless walk on eggshells; too much drama, you always have to watch your steps, and no matter what you do, you’ll still be the one at fault.
3. The Paranoid
A little paranoia can make sense and may help you in today’s world according to a Harvard Business Review, but like anything else, too much of it can be dangerous.
Paranoia, as defined, is a persisting and irrational feeling of threat and that Everyone is out to get you. A paranoid person is secretive, argumentative and suspicious. In a relationship, they’ll be the ones frequently calling, dropping at unexpected hours and monitoring everything you do lest you cheat on them. This is especially common among people – mainly men – whose ex-partners have cheated on them.
Studies suggest that you may not be born a paranoid, but you may pick it up over time through horrible experiences.
Remember Ross from Friends who got all terrified when his English girlfriend hung out with, Susan, the woman who took his ex-wife from him? He wasn’t paranoid, but that’s how it sometimes begin according to the psychoanalyst, Nancy McWilliams, who believes paranoia is a process rather than a trait that anyone can develop with a certain amount of stress or regression.
Their conspiracy theory will also drive you nuts. A paranoid is usually under a false assumption that the world is carefully watching them or planning to harm them, which will give you a hard time convincing them using logic that what they believe in isn’t true. By conflicting with them, you’ll become the “enemy.” They will alienate you, hide critical details from you and keep on keeping you in the dark.
Paranoid people are also bad at expressing love and sharing intimacy. Most of the time, they will guard themselves against you and will not tell you how much they love you lest you take advantage of them.
As Psychologist, Molly S. Castelloe, from York University puts it: To them, love is dangerous and threatening. A paranoid person will unconsciously invert any feeling of love they have to you into hate and then make themselves think you hate them too.
The Good Men Project® is a glimpse of what enlightened masculinity might look like in the 21st century.
This article was originally published at Good Men Project. Reprinted with permission from the author.