Listen up, ladies.
People often perpetuate the stereotype that women are complicated and men are straightforward. That is true to some extent; however, men don’t often communicate as openly as we think.
Frustrated women attempt to communicate with their partners, and just-as-frustrated men withdraw and shut down while their wives desperately wonder what their spouse is thinking.
Well, wonder no more, ladies.
Here are 21 things men struggle to tell women:
1. He wants that crazy puppy love, too.
Human beings all desire to love and be loved. He might not be as vocal about it as ladies are, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want it. He wants that crazy love as much as anyone else.
2. Respect is important to him.
Respect is important to a man as it signifies his “role” as a leader, protector, and provider of the family. It also directly correlates with his self-esteem and self-worth. Nothing hurts the man more than when his woman disrespects him.
3. He needs your full acceptance.
Love him for the person that he is today, not who you think he should be tomorrow. Accept him fully and allow him the space to be who he’s destined to be. He does want to change for the better, but he’ll do it when he’s ready.
4. He doesn’t need you to fix his problems.
When he faces a challenge or crisis, he doesn’t need you to solve his problem. All he needs from you is your love and support. Trust in his ability, be patient, and allow him the space and time to figure things out.
5. He responds well to praise and appreciation.
The more you give him praise and appreciation for doing something, the more likely he’ll do it for you again.
6. Financial stability and security are important to him.
As evolved and modern as men can be, they still have a strong need to fill their “role” as the providers of the family. In the modern world, this means financial stability and security.
7. He doesn’t like it when you get upset.
His role as a “protector” is to make sure that you’re safe, happy, and protected. He doesn’t like it when you get upset, especially when what causes you to be upset is outside of his control. He wants to fix it and make it okay for you again.
8. He’s not used to sharing his feelings.
As a young child, he might often have been told to “man up,” and for that reason he’s learned to withdraw and suppress his emotions. Nagging him to be open and share his feelings won’t work.
Create a safe space (with no judgments or criticism), be patient, and let him know that it’s okay to share his thoughts and feelings.
9. He struggles with visual temptation.
Many men struggle with visual temptation, and it often causes their wives or girlfriends to feel annoyed and frustrated.
Back in the time of cavemen, this was a part of a process to ensure that they “spread their seed” with a suitable partner (or as much as possible). Even now as evolved men, it’s still in their DNA and they still struggle to keep their eyes to themselves.
10. He can’t deal with your screaming and nagging.
Your “nagging” and screaming only shuts him down and makes him withdraw because it essentially takes away his freedom. He wants to do things in his own time and when he’s ready for it.
11. He loves it when you initiate romance.
Men are often the ones that initiate romance and sex on many occasions, and they’re also under a lot of pressure and expectation in these areas as well. So, he loves it when you can take over and initiate every now and then.
12. He prefers having the lights on.
He doesn’t care how much cellulite you might have or how “un-toned” your thighs or tummy might look. Turn the lights on and own that sexy body you have!
13. He doesn’t like it when you treat him like a kid and tell him what to do.
By now you would know how important respect is to a man. So when you treat him like a kid and tell him what to do, you might come across as his mother, rather than his wife or partner.
Treat him as an equal partner and give him the respect he deserves.
14. He thinks about sex a lot.
Men are wired biologically to think more about sex. Accept it and move on.
15. Sex can mean more to him than just ‘sex.’
It’s true that sex means more than just sex for him.
For many men, physical touch is one of their love languages, and this means that men associate having sexual intimacy as a sign of love and connection. Hence, a rejection or a “no” from you can hurt him emotionally.
16. He wants personal space.
There are 3 very important things to a man: Freedom, purpose, and respect.
It’s cruel to take away a man’s freedom or to control him because you will suffocate him. It’s like cutting a bird’s wings and expecting it to come back and love you for doing so. Give him the personal time and space that he needs.
17. Watching pornography doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.
This is something many women have issues with.
Many men watch for numerous reasons including satisfying their visual cues, helping them relax and release, adding more variety into stressful routines. But none of the reasons means that he doesn’t love you (providing that there are boundaries and limitations to his consumption).
18. He appreciates it when you care about his hobbies and interests.
Remember all those hours he listened to you wax on about your friends and family and accompanied you to birthdays, dinners, or shopping malls? He does that because he really cares about and loves you. So, it’s important for you to return the favor and care about his hobbies and interests, too.
19. He wants to feel needed.
In our modern world, women don’t need to be dependent on their men because they can be sufficient on their own. For that reason, many men sometimes question their role or importance within a family.
You might not need your man to survive in this world, but it doesn’t mean you can’t acknowledge the importance of his existence in your life. Tell him how much he really means to you.
20. He can’t read your mind, so just tell him what you want.
If there is something specific you want from him, tell him. He’s not very skilled at picking up clues and guessing what’s on your mind. Don’t blame him for not loving you or not understanding you.
21. He wants to be there to support you.
As a strong, savvy, and independent woman, you might not feel the need for a man to support you. Men know this too; it’s in their DNA to be there to love and protect you. Allow him to see your vulnerability and to step in when needed.
He loves you and he wants to be there for you. Promise.
Jane Nguyen is a relationship expert, dating coach, author, and speaker.