“Really, Mr Bennet, I do not think I can stand it any longer,” wailed his wife. “I just caught Kitty in the bushes again, this time with two officers. She seemed to have lost most of her clothes again, and whilst one of the officers had his big weapon down her throat, the other one…”
“I think I can imagine the scene well enough,” interrupted Mr Bennet hurriedly. “It is most regrettable that Kitty really has no sense of decorum, or indeed any sense at all.”
“It’s all too much for my poor nerves,” continued Mrs Bennet, collapsing onto the sofa and fanning herself vigorously. “I think I will summon Doctor Donaldson and ask for some more laudanum.”
“Really, my dear, do you think that is wise? Doctor Donaldson seems to think laudanum is a cure for all ailments, from a headache to full-on lunacy.”
“But it calms my nerves so much, and nothing else seems to work.”
Further argument was clearly useless, and Mr Bennet promised to drop in on Doctor Donaldson during his visit to Meryton the following morning.
“I have some news for you,” said Mr Bennet to his wife the following day on his return from town. “Doctor Donaldson is away, tending to an ailing aunt in Edinburgh, and a young fellow named Palmerston has come all the way from Bath to manage his practice during his absence. I must say he seemed a most intelligent and practical man. I described your symptoms to him, and he promised to drop in during his rounds this afternoon.”
“This afternoon? Well, that is promising,” said Mrs Bennet, mollified by this evidence of attentiveness. “I do hope he brings an ample supply of laudanum with him.”
The clock was just striking four when the maid announced that Doctor Palmerston had arrived to see the lady of the house. Mrs Bennet admitted him to her dressing-room, where she was languishing on the chaise-longue with the curtains drawn. She was surprised to observe quite how young he was, but even in her weakened state she found herself taking in his fine figure and handsome countenance.
“My dear Doctor,” she said faintly, “it is so good of you to call. I am so sorry I am not well enough to rise and greet you properly. Doctor Donaldson always prescribed a daily dose of laudanum when my nerves were bad, so if you were to leave an ample supply, then I’m sure I need not detain you any longer.”
“I dare say that when Doctor Donaldson was at medical school north of the border, laudanum was the recommended treatment for practically everything,” said Doctor Palmerston sharply. “However, these days that is by no means the opinion of the most advanced medical minds. At Cambridge, where I completed my studies last year, cases such as your own have been successfully treated with other far more efficacious methods. Firstly, I must ask you to remove all your clothing other than your chemise and lie down again on the sofa.”
Mrs Bennet was somewhat taken aback by this somewhat improper suggestion, but the young doctor’s confident and decisive manner made her feel compelled to obey him. She removed her dress and petticoats and lay down as he had requested. He meanwhile was washing his hands with some form of oil.
“Now, Mrs Bennet,” he said firmly, “what I am about to do may strike you as somewhat unorthodox. But I must beg you to remain calm whilst I carry out some internal manipulations. Is that understood?”
Mrs Bennet was by this time willing to do whatever the doctor requested and nodded in agreement. Doctor Palmerston proceeded to pull up her chemise above her waist, exposing her private parts to his view, before easing her legs apart. He then placed his fingers on the fleshy folds of her quim and examined them carefully.
“Excellent, excellent,” he muttered, and then without warning slipped two of his fingers straight into her passage.
Mrs Bennet let out a little gasp, of both surprise and pleasure. Doctor Palmerston’s fingers appeared to be moving about inside her in all sorts of interesting ways, stroking the soft internal walls of her passage before curving up and rubbing at a particular spot.
“Oh my goodness, Doctor, what are you doing?” she gasped.
“How does that make you feel?” asked the doctor, stroking his fingers back and forth with great expertise.
“Most agreeable,” Mrs Bennet admitted. It really was making her tingle delightfully, and she was extremely impressed at how the doctor seemed to know exactly where to press his fingers to elicit the maximum effect.
“And how about this?” he continued. Using his other hand, he began to rub at the hard little button just above the entrance to Mrs Bennet’s quim.
But now Mrs Bennet was too overcome with pleasure to answer. However, her gasps and moans made it clear that she was enjoying the doctor’s ministrations very much indeed. So much so that she was quite dismayed when he withdrew his fingers, and begged him to carry on.
Doctor Palmerston had other ideas, however. “You should now try it for yourself,” he instructed. “Once you have found the same soft spot that I did, you should then rub your own fingers against it. Do the same with your little button. You will soon work out what works best for you and will then be able to pleasure yourself even more satisfactorily than I did.”
Mrs Bennet did as he advised. She slipped two fingers inside and curved them upwards just as he had done. She let out a little gasp of delight as she found the absolute best place to touch. Next, she sought out the hard little bud, and began to rub her fingers across it. Very soon she worked out which was the best combination of fingerings and was bringing herself to the very heights of ecstasy. Doctor Palmerston watched all of this with great satisfaction.
“Thank you so much, Doctor,” she eventually said, once she had finished pleasuring herself in this way. She had become quite pink in the face and was glowing all over as a result of her exertions.
“You are a very quick and willing learner,” smiled the doctor. “However, I do have one further question. Pray do not be offended, for while it may seem impertinent, I can assure you that your answer is important. When did you last undertake congress of a sexual nature with your husband?”
“Oh gracious, I cannot recall,” said Mrs Bennet truthfully. “Since the birth of our fifth daughter, Lydia, the door between our bedrooms has remained locked. We both felt that it would be for the best. That was some fifteen years ago.”
“My dear Mrs Bennet,” said Doctor Palmerston with an expression of horror, “that, I fear, explains much of the problem. Regular penetration by the male member is extremely important in maintaining a healthy constitution, especially for ladies in the prime of life such as yourself. I would wager, Mrs Bennet, that you are not yet thirty-five.”
Mrs Bennet simpered with pleasure. “I was forty at my last birthday,” she said proudly. “I was not yet eighteen when Mr Bennet led me to the altar, and our oldest daughter, Jane, was born the following year. We have now been married for some twenty-three years.”
“I fear then that your husband has been neglecting you shamefully. For medical reasons, I fear that it may be necessary for me to provide the release that you so sorely need.”
To Mrs Bennet’s surprise, the doctor then proceeded to unbutton his breeches and take out his sexual organ, which was already standing to attention.
“You may wish to remove your chemise,” he suggested.
Mrs Bennet did as she had been asked. She felt curiously excited at being unclothed in the presence of her doctor and smiled as he sat down next to her.
“If I may be so bold, Mrs Bennet, you are a woman in the prime of physical condition,” he said. “Despite nursing five fine daughters, your bosoms are in excellent shape.”
He reached over and began to run his hands over them, paying special attention to her large nipples, which quickly became hard.
“Do you feel your blood starting to flow?” he asked as he tweaked the little buds.
Mrs Bennet was certainly feeling rather flushed.
“Yes indeed, doctor,” she gasped. “It is a long time since I have felt like this – or been felt I should say!” The sight of Doctor Palmerston’s erect organ was also causing her some excitement, and she reached over and began to stroke it up and down, as she remembered doing with her husband’s manhood.
“I am pleased to see you have not entirely forgotten how to handle the male member,” said Doctor Palmerston. “But now if you would please roll over and place yourself so…” He stood at the bottom of the chaise-longue and positioned Mrs Bennet face-down with her round buttocks in the air.
“Medical opinion is in agreement that an entry from the rearmost direction is most efficacious in cases such as your own,” he explained. “But first, there is one more necessary precaution.”
He went to his bag and took out a small wooden box, from which he removed a loose flexible sheath, which looked to Mrs Bennet’s eyes very much like one of the lengths of pig’s intestines which the cook used when making sausages. This object the doctor then proceeded to roll down over his manhood, revealing that it was tightly sealed at one end.
“This device will, as you can see, catch my emission at the crucial point, thus preventing insemination,” he explained. “With careful handling and washing after each use, it can be used again and again without significant deterioration. But now to business.”
He took hold of Mrs Bennet’s buttocks and spread them apart with his hands. He then placed his member at the entrance to her quim, and with one smooth movement slipped it into her.
Mrs Bennet let out a cry of pleasure at feeling herself so pleasurably filled after so many years of neglect. The doctor began to thrust his member in and out, and she could feel his dangling sack slapping against her thighs.
“Place your hand between your legs and find that little button that I showed you earlier,” instructed Doctor Palmerston as he energetically rogered her. “By rubbing it, you will enhance the effect of my movements.”
Doing as she was instructed, Mrs Bennet found the hard little bud and began to rub it vigorously. She soon felt a repeat of the pleasurable tingling, and discovered that by varying her motions she could enhance it even more. Just as she reached the heights of pleasure, she heard the doctor groan and stop his thrusting as he filled the sheath with his emissions.
Mrs Bennet was still tingling with pleasure as the doctor removed his member from her quim. As he next carefully removed the sheath from his manhood, she observed that it contained a healthy quantity of his creamy ejaculate.
“How do you feel now, madam?” asked Doctor Palmerston as he took a piece of cloth and wiped his member, before tucking it back into his breeches.
“Very much better, thank you, doctor,” said Mrs Bennet happily, putting on her clothes again. “In fact, better than I have done for a long time.”
“That is just as I expected,” said the doctor. “I recommend that in future, should you feel your nerves starting to trouble you, you should immediately find a quiet spot where you will not be disturbed and use your fingers as I have shown you. You will very soon find yourself transported to a world of much more pleasurable sensations.”
“Would you perhaps be willing to come back next week, to give me some more of your own personal treatment?” asked Mrs Bennet hopefully.
Doctor Palmerston smiled. “I would be delighted to do so,” he said. “Although in the meantime I may make an appointment to speak to your husband, and attempt to persuade him to resume conjugal relations. I trust that would be agreeable to you?”
Mrs Bennet blushed. “Oh, indeed yes,” she said. “In the early years of our marriage, Mr Bennet was hardly ever out of my bed, and his manhood hardly ever out of … you know. He was a very attentive husband in that respect.”
“That is settled then,” said the doctor. “I will of course ensure that Mr Bennet is provided with a supply of sheathes, to ensure that his emissions may be safely contained.”
Mrs Bennet thanked the doctor profusely. And I am delighted to report that, as a result of regular stimulation both by her own fingers and Mr Bennet’s member, she never had cause to resort to the laudanum bottle ever again.