Choosing to marry someone is one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make, which is why there are secrets a healthy couple shouldn’t keep from each other if they plan to commit themselves to a life-long relationship.
These are the things you should share with each other in order to determine compatibility — things like faith, attitudes about money, and the desire (or non-desire) to have kids. But what happens after you walk down the aisle?
Do you have any clue what you’re in for after you say “I do”? Or what to know before getting married?
What To Know Before Getting Married
Most of us don’t know what we’re getting ourselves into. Not really. Not even with our parents’ marriage as an example. Many of us, growing up, didn’t have a clue what was going on behind the scenes. Luckily, Gary Chapman wrote a book on the subject called, Things I Wish I’d Known Before We Got Married.
Among the lessons, he himself learned post-wedding? Being in love is not enough. Apologizing is a sign of strength. You need a financial plan, and one that you’re both in on. All very important lessons.
1. You can go to bed angry, and sometimes you should.
It can help to step away from an argument if things are especially heated.
2. Your spouse cannot be your everything.
Don’t rely upon them for all your social interactions. This is a no-duh sort of lesson, but one that’s easier to follow if you make an effort to have a life outside of your relationship.
3. Always talk things out.
If you’re feeling heated, it can help to sit down and talk to each other about how you’re each feeling. Most important, remember to listen.
Understanding the stress your partner is under can help you understand and forgive the behavior you found so agita-inducing.
4. Sharing a bed (and a living space) is hard.
Until it isn’t or you just decide to sleep in separate beds, which is totally understandable.
5. Men take it personally if you’re not in the mood.
Work hard to make sex a priority, even if you’re exhausted, stressed or disinterested.
6. Men are romantic in their own way.
You may not receive surprise candy buttons, but if you pay attention, you’ll start realizing that they do a lot for you when you’re not looking. Notice this, and let it give you the warm fuzzies.
7. Marriage is about compromise.
Yes, even when you’re independent and set in your own ways. As frustrating as that is, you still have to compromise.
Steph Auteri is a freelance writer and editor. She’s overshared about her life in Playgirl, Time Out New York, American Curves, New York Press, Nerve, and other publications. Follow her on Twitter.