Women and men are wildly different.
Ladies are soft, smell nice, and are pretty. Most dudes are lumpy/coarse, smell like motor oil and bear meat, and are generally utilitarian in terms of looks.
Because of your sensuality, delicateness, and otherworldliness, there are a handful of sexy things women can totally get away with doing.
But some sexy things he does are spectacularly weird and decidedly unsexy, especially when he tries doing the same moves as women.
Instead of being incredibly sexy, a man doing those same sexy things women do is entirely not sexy.
Men have their own things they do, separate from what women do, that make them attractive; they don’t need to start stealing moves from women now!
5 Sexy Things Men Do That Are Actually Sort Of Weird
PSA to all men out there: do your own sexy thing, because that is what makes women swoon more than anything. Please just be yourself.
1. Sniffing worn clothes
Evidently, the musk we gin up during the course of a day is a turn-on for ladies.
You may smell our shirts or pillowcases for a shot of nostalgia, but the first time we’re caught sniffing a pair of panties, we’re dubbed perverts.
It’s weird that women smell better and have a better sense of smell. The Big Guy likes irony, or whatever literary device that is.
2. Breathy talking
That thing women do where they breathe heavily while talking sexy is nice, real nice, particularly when you do it right in the old ear hole.
When men do it, however, they sound like the type of person who should be served with a restraining order.
3. Sexy gestures (in public)
Sometimes, ladies like to get our blood flowing southbound while in a social setting.
Some examples: licked lips; the crossing and uncrossing of legs; an under-the-table foot-in-the-crotch; and that bombshell where your skirt made the trip, but your underwear missed the flight.
These are all enough to make us beg for mercy!
A guy making various mouth gestures and talking about his commando status is just lewd.
A lady getting cleaned up, being covered in lotion (or body glitter if it’s Mardi Gras 1999), and going hair-free is very much a turn-on.
A dude getting waxed bare and bathed in jasmine rosewater is just bizarre.
5. Wearing each other’s clothes
Lounging around in our button-down oxford and a pair of our boxers is a great way to turn breakfast into morning sex, at least in our minds.
When we toss on your camisole and Victoria’s Secret g-string, however, you either laugh or vomit. Sometimes both.
Dudes also shouldn’t lounge around nude, or try the no clothes under a trench coat move (that’s a good way to get picked up for mopery).
Tom Miller is a writer and performer based in New York. He is the General Manager and Coordinating Video Producer for YourTango.