Everyone needs security in a relationship. And if you’re taking the time to make your partner feel safe, secure, and loved, good for you!
Relationships are wonderful — but often fraught with opportunities for things to go wrong. Men and women come to life from different places.
Sometimes it’s hard for men to recognize what their girlfriends need to feel safe. And safety is something that women often say they’re looking for in a man — and when they do, they mean it.
Of course you want to give your partner safety and security. Who wouldn’t? But how do you do that?
Here are 5 ways to ensure security in a relationship so your girlfriend feels safe, secure, and loved.
1. Listen to her.
In order to make sure that your girlfriend feels safe, she needs to know that you’re listening to her.
When she talks, she needs to be sure that you’re paying attention and understanding what she’s saying and feeling.
You might be inclined to think you need to “fix” her to make her feel safe. In reality, all she really wants you to do is listen to her and let her know that you’re there for her.
So, the next time your girlfriend opens up to you, sit down and pay attention. Hold her hand, empathize with her feelings, and confirm that you hear her, are there for her, and always will be.
2. Follow through.
Are you one of those people who doesn’t always do what you say you’re going to do? Your intentions are good, but things get in the way of you following through.
Do you tell your girlfriend that you’ll be home at 6 p.m., even if you know you’re not going to be home until 8 p.m. because you don’t want to make her mad?
Or that you’ll pick out the windows for the house renovation, even though chances are that you’ll have work?
Or do you fully intend to stop at the grocery store on the way home, but you just forgot?
People don’t follow through for a variety of reasons. Very few of them are because we don’t love someone.
We do it to prevent our person from feeling hurt or let down. It’s not because we don’t love our person enough — we’re human and we forget things.
Unfortunately, people tend to personalize the experience when someone doesn’t do something for them.
“If you loved me, you would have done this,” is the phrase people hear when someone they trust doesn’t follow through
So, if you’re not good at following through — regardless of the reason — you definitely won’t make your girlfriend feel safe. Instead, you’ll make her feel unimportant and unloved.
Make sure you do what you say you’re going to do. Allow her to feel confident that she can rely on you to always be there for her.
3. Use your words.
Have you ever thought to yourself, “I don’t need to tell her how I feel about her, she knows”? Do you take out the garbage faithfully, assuming that by doing so your girlfriend will know you love her?
If your answer to both questions is “yes,” then you’re wrong!
Telling your woman how you feel about her is a key component in making her feel safe.
She might have a sense of how you feel, but to actually hear the words come out of your mouth lets her know that you have her back, and that you care about her enough to tell her.
She knows that she can count on you to be there for her.
4. Be a man.
I know, I know — in this day and age, men and women are equal. And my 23-year-old daughter will kill me for saying this, but the truth of the matter is that men can make women feel safe by just acting like themselves.
Men are genetically programmed to be protectors. The survival of the species depended on men protecting their women and children from predators. That instinct is not gone in this 21st-century world.
I’m not saying that you need to brandish your club and knock down anyone who messes with your girl.
But, make sure that she knows that you’re there to reach the things that she can’t reach, to carry that load that is just too much for her, to hold the door open when her hands are full, and to get rid of that dead mouse carcass the cat dragged in.
Tap into your inner caveman without letting him take you over completely, and allow your girl to feel safe.
5. Be honest.
The number-one most important thing you can do to make your girlfriend feel safe is being honest.
Although it’s important to always do what you say you’re going to do, there’s more to it than that.
For a woman to feel safe, she needs to trust you. And if you can’t be honest with her, she can never trust you.
So, if you can’t get home for dinner, tell her. If you need to see your mother instead of going out with her friends, don’t make an excuse — tell her the truth.
If you ran up the credit card debt, or forgot to give the kids a bath, or need some time on your own, be direct and upfront. Tell her the truth, right away.
Let her know that she can rely on you being honest. If you are honest, she will feel safe.
Making sure that your girlfriend feels safe, secure, and loved in a relationship is the best way to ensure that it will be a healthy and happy one.
Listen to her, do what you say you’re going to do, tell her how you feel about her, protect her, and be honest to her.
I promise you. You make your girlfriend feel safe, and she’s yours forever.
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based, certified life and love coach. Let her help you find, and keep, love in this crazy world in which we live. Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org and get started!
This article was originally published at Let Your Dreams Begin. Reprinted with permission from the author.