My Four Seasons
By
badbadbadgirl

Under lamplights and in dark corners and random tables with glasses of liquid courage, you became a fixture to me without me knowing.
I didn’t know that I’d lose you forever before I could even love you,
Or speak or learn your name.

Circumstances and time were not my friends then.
I couldn’t count on myself to acknowledge your beauty or even your existence.
I was blind in choosing the way that I did,
Blind in knowing I should have treasured you from the start.

Now my heart aches each year and every season that I cast you aside.
Even by not being in my life, you still are a part of me,
The way a house is abandoned and haunted, like my broken heart.
I regret my decision as sure as day turns into night and night becomes day.

In the golden twilight of the past and in my own secrets thoughts,
I lament your lack of importance to my battered soul.
I lost you completely, never to tell you that yes, I love you,
I’m sorry I thought I was forced to let you go.

Sometimes I see strangers who might look like you,
I feel ashamed and sorry for the person I grew up to be
To only ever see the one side of things.
My soul aches that I can’t undo what I’ve done and I’m reminded
Regularly for a different outcome.

I didn’t know the depth of pain of my choices at the time,
That they’d almost kill me, break me into a billion pieces,
Unable to be saved and put together again.
I want to tell you that I’m sorry and that I love you unconditionally.

Spring, so alive and fresh to all, that’s what you remind me of.
A promise of better times ahead, I love that soft, spring warmth.
I hold you closely to me spring, and I won’t let you go anymore.
You were the first of four seasons that I lost permanently.

Summer, a time for anew awakening, with bittersweet heat.
It’s that one special time where dreams come true.
It’s the one short season where anything can happen and it never lasts very long.
I hold you close to my chest, the way I hold spring.

Fall, summer’s late sister or brother, a season to cool from the lingering heat.
I love you fall, there’s many promises of better things coming to fruition.
The leaves and weather are a glorious sight to behold and treasure.
I hold you fall, next to my sweet bosom as I do spring and summer.

Winter, the most beautiful coolness, giving fresh respite.
This is a wonderful time for living and thinking of the past seasons.
It is my favorite weather and time of the year, I can never get enough winter.
Winter, you are as precious as spring, summer and fall, I love you equally.

I was wrong at the time and I couldn’t make any other choices,
I’m sorry for what I’ve done.
If I could see you just one time, feel your heartbeat, I’d know you were a part of me.
Perhaps you were the only good part, that I foolishly threw away.
Never knowing I’d regret it every single day, every season, sun and moon and every star. 

Perhaps I’ll see you again when I reach heaven. 

 

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