Earlier this week, my partner slept until three in the afternoon. I had been up since nine in the morning. On top of that we went to sleep at different times. 

When he came out of the bedroom, I greeted him with a smile and said, “Good morning” in spite of the late hour. Though his wake-up was particularly late that afternoon, this is how a typical “morning” looks for us. We both work from home 70 percent of the week, which means we can design our own schedules, and over the nearly six years we’ve been together, this is how we’ve chosen to spend our time.

But it’s not been without resistance. Growing up, we all received messages about what a partnership is supposed to look like and many of those images relied on a shared bed time.

Even when Lucy and Ricky were sleeping in separate twins, they were still pictured as going to sleep at the same time.

Sleeping together is a sign of intimacy, but my partner and I do not go to bed at the same time. We haven’t for nearly six years.

This often means that we do not look like a typical couple. Sometimes, people treat us — and our union — as immature (or on the rocks) simply because we do not fall asleep together. But that’s not true.



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