What’s the number one thing men are CRAVING for when it comes to relationships? Simple: a woman who’s confident, secure, and feminine.
Men agree that a woman who — despite her beauty, good humor, kindness, and attractiveness — needs excessive reassurance is someone who quickly becomes an albatross.
These men, who are all incredibly smart, ambitious, talented, and handsome, are searching for a woman who loves herself so deeply that she never depends on validation from her partner to make her feel lovable, worthwhile, and attractive.
Here are a few “signs” you most likely need to focus your efforts on yourself before you embark on a journey towards loving someone else:
1. You ask questions like, “Does this make me look fat?” “Why did you do/say)that?” or “Do you still love me?”
The Dating With Dignity men joke that these questions, which are commonly asked by women in relationships, are among the most annoying questions a woman can ask.
They call them a complete “turn off” and lament over the fact that there are no answers to these questions that a woman finds acceptable. Stop asking.
If your clothes are too tight, you know it. And unless the few pounds have turned into twenty, the DWD men all agree that they can’t tell if the cookies you ate last night made you feel bloated.
Last, don’t ask a man if he loves you. EVER. Words and actions must match.
If your man has told you he loves you but begins to pull away, there’s a better way to check in on his feelings toward you.
Asking “why” he did or said something makes him feel defensive and childlike. You aren’t his mother; you’re his lover.
2. You say things like, “Just hold me,” even though your man is affectionate, cuddles, and/or gives you attention.
Mat Boggs describes it perfectly in his “Cracking the Man Code” seminar when he states that men need short, attainable goals to feel successful. Men want to please women, so they need to feel like they’re your Knight in Shining Armor to keep on keepin’ on.
That said, when he does his best to give you attention, holds on to you while you watch Entourage or Monday Night Football, or reads his book nearby while you give yourself a manicure, let him go away when he needs his space. If you’re constantly criticizing him and tell him it’s “not enough,” he’ll want to hide long-term.
Instead, settle into the time you are together, be present in the moment, and encourage him to go play Playstation or watch videos on YouTube when you’re done with your nails, the show is finished, or it’s halftime.
3. You’re jealous and weirded out when you see issues of HFM, Maxim, or Playboy in his bedroom, or see old pictures of him with his female friends.
The truth is, your man had an entire life before you met him. It included ex-lovers, ex-girlfriends, and an array of females who are still his friends. A woman who’s threatened by these relationships, past and present, is at risk of turning off the man with whom she loves.
Your man left those relationships for a reason, and if he consistently shows he loves you then you have no reason to fear the past. His friends, male and female, are simply not threats.
4. You relate to songs like, “My Life Would Suck Without You,” “No Air,” and “Lost Without Your Love.”
When you love yourself and have created an amazing life that’s interdependent with your partner’s life, you don’t think your life would suck without him. While you’d be appropriately heartbroken to lose an important relationship, you know in your heart that “you will survive,” and that even without him, your life is truly awesome.
You can then breathe when he’s no longer your boyfriend, and you won’t be lost without his love. When you have a deep sense of self, confidence, a community of friends, a profession you find fulfilling, and self-love, your life never sucks. Ever.
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Marni Battista is a professional dating coach who has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Glamour, ABC, and Dr. Phil. Follow her website for more.