We met in a concrete bunker as mortar shells exploded all around us. Looking back on it now, I should’ve seen the signs. A relationship that starts with such a high level of adrenaline is sure to flame out as spectacularly as it started. But, I was a fool and fell head over heels.
That fateful night, as we feared for our lives, we passed the time discussing movies, pop culture, and even literature. I found a kindred spirit with a love for Poe, and I hate to say it, but she found a way to consume my thoughts, as well as my heart.
For the rest of the deployment, we were inseparable. It didn’t take long for the rumors to start. It didn’t matter. We were both legally separated from our significant others at the time and didn’t care if people were jealous of what we found.
You see, deployed service members are notorious for stepping out on their spouses, so the bottom line is, even if we were cheating or if we were dating, the rumors would have still happened. Let them talk, I would tell myself every time my blue eyes locked with hers.
At the end of our nine-month tour, I figured things would end. We both lived in different parts of the United States and faced separations and eventual divorces at home. We stayed in touch, and I did my best to swallow the feelings I had developed for her while deployed.
I tried to keep things platonic until one morning when she called me. She was crying, and I begged her to tell me what happened.
She said she couldn’t live like this. She loved me and needed to be with me.
Fear, excitement, and lust all ran through my body. It was only three seconds, but to her, it felt like a lifetime before I said those three magic words back.
For the next year and a half, we FaceTime’d every morning and every night. We talked about our day and all the nothings that occurred in between. I looked forward to seeing her face and counted the seconds we spent apart. We started and ended every call with those three words.
I was happy for the first time in a long time. But that happiness wouldn’t last. I mean, does it ever?
I’ll be honest, long-distance relationships suck. It’s hard when you feel like you found the one, the one who makes you whole, the one you’re supposed to be with, and they live halfway across the United States. We found every opportunity for me to travel out to see her.
In fact, I made it out to see her six times in that year and a half. Every time I saw her, we met in my hotel room. The sex was great, and my soul felt complete holding her as we fell asleep.
As my life grew more and more chaotic, an impending divorce will do that to you, I got the best news I’ve ever heard. Her divorce was finalized, and once mine was as well, we could be together. Forever.
She told me she loved me and she wanted to start a family. It was music to my ears. I met with my lawyer that afternoon to see about moving my divorce along quicker. He gave me a date when he thought everything would wrap up.
That night I tried to FaceTime her and got nothing. She stayed radio silent for two weeks. I should’ve taken this as another sign, but sometimes military life throws you for a loop. You get busy. There are last-minute trips you have to take. Late nights. Sometimes things are completely out of your control. I turned a blind eye and pretended everything was ok.
Two weeks to the day she told me she wanted to have my babies, she called me.
With tears in her eyes, she told me she’d been lying the entire time. She was, in fact, not divorced and was never separated from her husband. She said she loved me but couldn’t be with me anymore. It’s stung. I tried to talk to her, tell her I loved her, to get her to see why we were perfect. I asked her why she felt she couldn’t be honest with me from the start. Then she dropped the hammer.
She was pregnant with his baby.
I felt my heart shatter and harden in the span of three beats. I looked at her through the phone, tears running down her face. I told her I was happy for her. That I knew she wanted to family. I said I love you, but this will be the last time I ever talk to you.
I hung up. I put my phone down and screamed and cried. My body was now an empty shell no different than the room I was in.
It was the most painful betrayal I have ever experienced in my entire life, and all these years later, it still stings when I think about it. If you’ve ever been heartbroken you can sympathize. It’s never easy breaking up, even more so when you think you are in love.
But, when you give yourself to someone completely and find out you meant nothing to them, it hurts on a whole new level. It really messes with you mentally, and to be honest, it’s not something you can easily come back from.
In the end, it did teach me a valuable life lesson, though. Some people like to use others to fill the holes in their souls no matter the consequences.
And sometimes, there is nothing you can do about it.
More for You on YourTango:
Mr. Smith is an erotic writer and poet for Medium. Follow him on Twitter.
This article was originally published at Medium. Reprinted with permission from the author.