Last month, I took the kids camping by myself for the first time since the divorce.

Right now, all of me wishes I was still deep in those peaceful Redwoods with the warm-reaching sunshine on my skin, holding on for dear life to every hour in the hammock with them.

Tonight I long to be back in the place where we were, hours away from our town, in a little cabin with bunk beds, sitting around a campfire with fresh new faces we didn’t know. The place where, even though we were a family of three instead of four, strangely, it still felt like home.

But togetherness doesn’t last long after a divorce.

Come to think of it — it lasts only half as long as it used to.

RELATED: Why Being A Single Mom Is Better Than Being A Married Mom Who Is Miserable 

For four days straight, our view of the lake took my breath away, and so did those noose-like ropes hanging from the branches above.

At first, it occurred to me how jaw-droppingly low the water level must be compared to last summer.

Then, after the day was done, we had our fun, and everyone laid quietly in their cabins at night listening to the crickets chirp — the rest of life’s deficits hit me as hard as a hurricane. 

I thought of this song by Brandi Carlile: 

It really breaks my heart to see a dear old friend
Go down to the worn-out place again
Do you know the sound
Of a closing door
Have you heard that sound before
Do you wonder if she knows you anymore
I wrapped your love around me like a chain
But I never was afraid that it would die
You can dance in a hurricane
But only if you’re standing in the eye
. — Brandi Carlile, “The Eye”



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