‘I was single for eight years – but being on your own is better than settling’

Dating is an idea that puts fear in many people’s eyes.

There are always new dating trends, red flags to look out for and a general anxiety that’s attached to putting yourself out there.

But one woman is trying to show that dating can be fun, as there’s so much to experience when you’re single.

READ MORE: ‘I got ghosted by a guy after I popped his cherry – but now I’ve found love’

Michelle Elman, 29, from London, was single for eight years before she finally met her true love.

Even though she spent nearly a decade on the dating scene, she said it was much more fun than people may think.

In her new book, The Selfish Romantic, she works to unravel myths about single life that will help to change your dating mindset and how to deal with ghosting.

She wants to change the way people feel about dating, and she hopes talking about her own experiences will help people get there.

With a following of over 300,000 people, Michelle often shares her experiences and expertise in her role as a life coach.

Michelle told Daily Star it felt it was the time to write a book about looking for love.

Even though she spent years playing the field, it wasn’t always a negative experience, as it was often quite “fun”.

Michelle said: “I think people settle, and people believe the narrative that if you’re single then something is wrong with you. But it’s better to be alone than in an unhappy relationship.

“If you like yourself it’s not a bad thing, but if you don’t like yourself it will be the worst.

“People are looking for a perfect person.”

She said what’s important to remember is people make mistakes, and people shouldn’t be axed too quickly just for doing something wrong.

Michelle said she thinks “cancel culture” has in some form filtered its way into the dating sphere.

The author said there appears to be the mentality of “you make a mistake and you’re out”, but sometimes you need to give people a chance.

But the book doesn’t just focus on dating tips – as she also discusses how body positivity can have a big impact on your sex life.

Michelle believes women shouldn’t be limited to simply seeing themselves as “labels”, as well as discussing how they can have sex without hating their bodies.

When discussing body image in the bedroom, Michelle said some women have the mentality of “I don’t want them to see me without clothes on, because they’ll think I’m fat.”

The life coach said we need to ditch this idea, as we should feel happy in our own bodies.

“We’re the same body under clothes as we are with them on”, she added.

“When a man walks into a room you’re not thinking about his body – you’re thinking about sex.

“Sex is actually about being present in your body”

Relating the topic to her own experiences, she also spoke about the scars she has on her tummy, and said nobody has ever said anything bad about them.

Michelle emphasised you don’t have to tell anyone your full story on a first date, and she uses the tale of her scars as an example.

She said: “My scars are not going to be on show on a first date.

“Why am I telling people about surgery marks on my stomach when I may not sleep with them?

“When you see something as a big deal, you will make a bigger deal out of it.

“Not a single person commented on my scars. It’s just my body.”

Now Michelle is in a happy relationship, but she said the book is based around her experiences of flying solo for the best part of a decade.

She hopes other people will be able to learn something from her own experiences, and change the way they approach trying to find love.

“I have been in a relationship for a year-and-a-half,” she added.

“I was single for eight years before that.”

The Selfish Romantic: How to date without feeling bad about yourself by Michelle Elman (Welbeck, £15.99) is out now.

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