Anal sex is not something that everyone wants to try. But if you do, then here is how to prepare for anal sex so you do it the right way for both of you.
Anal sex isn’t something new. In fact, it’s a pretty common practice, and only becoming more so. If you’re curious about trying anal, it’s important to understand how to prepare for the most pleasure and least amount of discomfort.
There is probably no sex act more maligned, misunderstood, and feared than anal sex. Especially for a first-time anal sex experience, it’s just something most people love fantasizing about but can’t bring themselves up to give it a try.
Are you one of those people? Well, read on, because here’s a complete guide on how to prepare for anal sex for the first time, and make sure it’s a great experience too! [Read: Untold sex secrets you definitely need to know!]
The very first question that haunts us – does anal sex hurt?
If you’re thinking right now, “Yeah, I heard it hurts and it’s really uncomfortable,” then you obviously heard that from someone who had a traumatizing anal sex experience. In that case, yes, they’re completely correct.
But, in all probability, their partner tried to reenact the latest porno he watched where the couple just decided to have “spontaneous” anal sex.
Come on now, you know that isn’t how it works. But even after all the preparation, you still may not like anal sex, and that’s completely fine. However, you shouldn’t knock it before you try it! [Confession: What anal sex felt like – both mentally and physically]
There are a lot of false assumptions about anal sex, and the worst one is that it’s supposed to hurt. This could not be further from the truth. When done right, anal sex can be incredibly stimulating to the woman or man who is receiving it. Of course, the assumptions don’t come out of thin air.
Most people don’t understand the right way to do it, and when done wrong, it will be uncomfortable – or worse!
The truth is, anal sex is not something for a random hookup or to try on a whim. It’s advised to not have anal sex if you don’t have a lot of time on your hands for preparation. [Read: How to make anal sex pain-free – the happy bum guide]
The taboo around having anal sex
Anal sex has always been a huge taboo. However, it has slowly but surely become normalized in the past few years as society has opened up to discussing sexual health. After all, the butt is a huge erogenous zone for both men and women!
And still, many people are put off by the topic. They don’t view it as “real sex” *which is totally wrong* and some even associate it with homosexual tendencies even when practiced by a straight couple. This mindset comes from people who are insecure about their sexuality. As long as you’re enjoying yourself, you do you.
Don’t let ignorant people stop you from enjoying anything. Just the taboo-breaking itself can be a huge turn-on for anyone. [Read: Analingus – a walkthrough and total guide to eating ass like a champ]
Anal sex myths
There are myths about everything in life, and anal sex is no exception. So, what are the anal sex myths? Here are some. [Read: Why guys really enjoy having anal sex and how to know if you should give it a try]
1. You should have anal from behind
It might make sense to have anal sex from behind. After all, it’s referred to as the “back door.” But there are other positions that you can use that might be even more enjoyable than the traditional doggy-style position. [Read: The biggest misconceptions about anal sex]
2. Anal bleeding is a sign of serious injury
Of course, it’s scary to see blood when you don’t want to. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that something is catastrophically wrong if you’re bleeding. Sometimes, tissues just tear, but they’ll repair themselves.
3. Alcohol makes anal sex easier
Sure, alcohol can be fun, and it does relax you. That’s why you might think that drinking some ahead of time will make you calmer and your muscles less tense. But it really doesn’t make it any easier.
What makes anal sex easier is taking your time and doing it with a partner you trust. [Read: Sober reasons why drunk sex is never a good idea]
The real pleasure points that arouse women
It’s no question that anal sex can be incredibly pleasurable for men, since the back door is, well, a door to the prostate gland. This leaves the question, how can anal sex be stimulating for women then?
Well, the clitoris is an amazing thing. How amazing? Anal sex can actually stimulate it and bring many women to intense orgasms.
You know those iceberg diagrams, where what you see above the water is only 10% of it? That’s kind of like the clitoris. What you see above the skin is a fraction of what’s there.
The G-spot in the roof of the vagina stimulates the clitoris from below. And from where we all know it to be, the clitoris splits like a wishbone and runs down along both sides of a woman’s vaginal lips. It makes it as far as the perineum, next to the anus.
When done right, anal sex can stimulate the tips of these extensions by expanding the sphincter. And the penetration, even though not vaginal, can stimulate the G-spot. [Read: How to find and tingle her G-spot without having to use a flashlight]
How do I use a douche/enema?
Many people who are trying to prepare for anal sex are concerned about hygiene. Since the back end has a lot of harmful bacteria, they think that doing a douche/enema will help calm their nerves.
If you’re unfamiliar with this practice, an enema is an injection of fluid through the rectum that cleans poop out of your bowel or stimulates your bowel so it will empty. [Read: The bottom of it – misconceptions about anal sex]
Doing so isn’t a required preparation step for anal sex, but it is a preference for some. If you are interested in doing so, you can give yourself an enema at home using a kit with an enema bottle or bag. Here’s how to do it properly:
First, prepare what you need ahead of time. You’ll also want to make sure you don’t have anything on your schedule and do it at a time of day that works for you when you start running to the bathroom.
To use an enema, you’ll need an enema kit, some form of lubrication, towels, and a place to lie down. [Read: 17 benefits of anal sex that’ll make you and your bum wanna bend over]
You’ll want to lay some towels on the floor, preferably in your bathroom. Roll up one to use as a bolster. Keep other towels and washcloths nearby too. Also, have a clock or timer close by so you can time it.
Next, apply some lubricate to your anus to make the insertion easier. Lay on your left side on the floor, bend your right knee, and place the rolled-up towel under it.
With your dominant hand, gently insert the tip of the enema nozzle into your rectum. It might be uncomfortable but it shouldn’t be painful. [Read: Do women actually like anal sex? The truth guys wanna know]
After you insert the nozzle, squeeze the enema container to push the liquid into the rectum. Squeeze from the bottom to the top and empty the container. Then slowly withdraw the nozzle.
Set your alarm for the recommended amount of time before going to the bathroom. When the alarm goes off, then head for the toilet. Make sure you stay near the bathroom for about an hour because you might have to go several times.
Avoid these risks when you prepare for anal
As with anything in life, there are risks to anal and preparing for it too. So, here are some things you want to avoid doing. [Read: How to use lubricants to liven up your sex life instantly]
You might be nervous about having anal sex, so you might end up over-preparing. But that’s not necessary. Just do all you can do, and then relax and enjoy the experience.
2. Enema dependency
When you use enemas too frequently, it can irritate and tear the tissue that lines your rectum and intestine. This makes it more likely to get STIs, HIV, and other infections. So you definitely want to avoid becoming dependent on enemas.
3. Shower hoses and water pressure
Some people might think that sticking a shower hose up their anus would be a good way to clean their rectum. But it’s not. It can be dangerous for a variety of reasons, and the pressure of the water might be too much for your body. [Read: The surprising but factually true benefits of having anal sex]
To help you and your partner decide if having anal sex is right for you, it’s also important to consider some frequently asked questions.
1. Will there be poop?
Many people are freaked out by the possibility of poop. That’s understandable, and yes, it’s something that can be present during anal sex. While it’s certainly not glamorous, it’s not usually a big deal.
Of course, we can’t promise you for certain that it will be present, because it may not be. If you’re engaging in anal sex, the best thing you can do is listen to your body and communicate with your partner if you’re worried about any accidents. [Read: Painful anal sex – 31 happy bum tips to make backdoor sex hurt less]
2. Will anal sex make a person poop?
Yes, it can – but not always. And you can do some things to prevent it.
If you’re constipated, then anal sex can stimulate a bowel movement. And if you’re not constipated, you want to make sure to poop before you have anal sex to minimize the chances of pooping.
3. Can anal sex cause serious injuries?
Anal injuries can be caused by sexual activity. This can be either from the penis, fingers, or the insertion of objects through the anus into the rectum.
Friction, sharp edges, and rough behavior can tear sensitive skin and the lining of the rectum, causing pain, inflammation, and bleeding. [Read: The dirty truth – is it possible to have an anal orgasm?]
4. Can you get pregnant from anal sex?
No. The only way a woman can get pregnant is when the man’s penis is in her vagina, not the anus. That’s because to get pregnant you need an egg and a sperm, and the egg is released from the ovary and makes its way down to the uterus, which is nowhere near the anus.
5. Can anal sex increase your chances of contracting an STI?
You can definitely get an STI from anal sex. And the odds of getting HIV from unprotected anal sex are about 20 times higher than the risk of getting it from unprotected vaginal sex. [Read: How to avoid getting STDs]
That’s because the anus is more vulnerable to trauma since the lining is more fragile. And this can lead to an easier path of entry for the virus to spread.
6. Can anal sex cause colon cancer?
Colon cancer is usually caused by a mutation in the DNA of the cells that line the colon and rectum. However, some factors are present in many cases, including anal sex practices and HPV transmission.
So, while it could be a factor, it’s not the only one. Things such as age, race, inflammation, and genetics also play a role. [Read: History of condoms and must-know facts to be a condom know-it-all in 5 minutes]
7. Can anal sex cause hemorrhoids?
Hemorrhoids are natural parts of a person’s anatomy, so they are not necessarily caused by anal sex. However, penetration could irritate hemorrhoids that you already have leading to symptoms like bleeding and tenderness.
Anal sex can also irritate or tear the lining of your anus which causes anal fissures. So, it’s important to be careful so you can prevent this type of outcome.
How to prepare for anal sex
If you’re interested in trying anal sex for the first time, it’s important to take measures of preparation. You’ll want this experience to be as relaxing and enjoyable as you can. [Read: 46 expert-level tips and secrets to be a better lover and feel amazing in bed]
1. Try anal alone first
Before you go full-on with having anal sex, you will want to experiment with it by yourself first. That way, you won’t be too freaked out when someone else starts putting their penis inside your bum.
So, take your time to relax before you start with anal play. You can start by stroking the area and warming your body up to the idea.
Just like other forms of sex, you don’t want to rush into this. Let your body relax under your hand *or toy* and don’t forget the lubricant.
2. Do it with someone you trust
Okay, you may be a fan of one-night stands, but if this is your first time having anal sex, then you shouldn’t be doing this with some random guy who you think is named Todd or… Maybe it was Tim.
Have your first-time anal sex experience with someone you trust. [Read: Dating a girl who likes anal? 15 secret moves to impress girls who prefer the backdoor]
That way, you won’t be uncomfortable communicating with him, and you won’t be blushing when you see your shit on his dick. Hey, it happens.
3. Talk with your partner before anal play
You shouldn’t just assume that your partner wants to have anal sex. It’s not something that some people actually want to do. So, you have to talk to them first before you go for it.
Your partner may have a lot of concerns about anal sex. [Read: Handkerchief code – how to communicate sexual desires with a hanky]
For example, maybe they are a little freaked out about the cleanliness of it *or lack thereof* or that it will hurt. Or maybe they had a bad experience with it in the past.
So, you’ll have to talk about both of your concerns about having anal sex. For example, if they are concerned about it not being hygienic, then assure them that you both will take a hot shower or bath first.
If the fear is the possible pain it may cause, then try to reassure them that you will do everything in your power to make it an enjoyable experience for them. [Read: Aggressive sex – what it is, why people like it, and 23 secrets to give it a try]
4. Give your partner time to think about anal play
As we said, anal sex is not for everyone. In fact, your partner may have never thought about doing it before or has a bad preconceived notion of it.
So, after you talk about having anal sex, maybe they won’t be fully on board right away. But just because they are not open to it right away doesn’t mean that the idea might not grow on them. They could change their mind and think that it might be something fun to try with you.
However, the last thing you want to do is pressure them into it. If your partner is firm about not wanting to engage in anal play, drop it. But if they seem on the fence, give them space to think about it without your judgment. [Read: How to dirty talk – 36 sexy tips and 55 examples to turn anyone on with words]
5. Don’t do it because you’re pressured
If your partner keeps bugging you to have anal sex with them and you don’t want to do it, well, then don’t. It’s your butt. So, you get to control what goes in and out of it.
If you’re curious about anal sex, then tell your partner you are but need your own time to get comfortable with the idea. And if then, after all that, they’re still bugging you—ditch ‘em. They obviously have poor brain function.
6. The warm-up
Couples should spend at least a month making love in more traditional ways before they even think about trying it. [Read: How to make love to a woman – 21 tips to leave her moaning for more]
And then, especially if it will be the woman’s first time having anal sex, they should approach it slowly. A couple that doesn’t trust one another should get over that before attempting anal sex.
7. Set the mood
Like any sexual experience, the mood around you can play a huge factor in how great the sex is. So, put on some music, light some candles, and do anything else that you think you and your partner would like to get in the mood for being intimate with one another.
8. Clean yourself before
Before having anal sex, you want to make sure your bum is cleaned. People have this association that anal sex is dirty, but the bacteria in your anus naturally fight infection.
However, many people don’t want poop on them, so make sure you hit the bathroom before and give it a wash. [Read: Wild ways to have sex in the shower and enjoy it]
9. Use dark sheets
Some people are worried about having their sheets stained with… Butt juices. Our best advice would be to lay towels down or use dark sheets.
And if you’re really worried, then try having anal sex in the shower for an easier clean-up. [Read: Sexual wish list- 16 naughty deeds to help build your list]
10. Nice rims
A rim job, or rimming, is where one person uses their tongue and mouth to massage another person’s anus. A lot of people actually enjoy giving rim jobs, and it’s incredible for the one receiving.
Before you jump into penetration, try a rim job. You’ll need to work together to get over any discomfort you have with things like this. It will be worth the effort. [Read: The rimming guide to master eating ass and do it like a pro]
11. Massage and relax
If you’re the one being penetrated, you want to try to relax your sphincter muscle. It’ll take a little time to relax, so you want to prepare yourself in advance with massaging techniques to relax your anus.
Or if you’re going down on a woman, try massaging her anus while stimulating her clitoris or fingering her. To be safe and prevent any infections in her vagina, don’t finger her after touching her anus.
12. Lube up
Now, you may be used to the vagina naturally lubricating itself. But this isn’t a vagina, so you’re going to need a lot of lube. A lot. [Read: How to use lubricants to liven up your sex life instantly]
Before the penis even gets close to the bum, you need to make sure it’s lubed up. Don’t be shy with the lubricant, you can never have enough lube.
13. Wear a condom
Unless you are in an exclusive relationship and are both disease-free, condoms should always be worn. [Read: Condom types and how they can improve your sex life]
The risk of HIV transmission skyrockets with unprotected anal sex. Other diseases can be transmitted this way as well. So don’t think that you can be rubber-free by having anal sex. You can still contract an STI through this act. In addition, if he doesn’t cum in your ass, you’ll also have a chance to become pregnant.
14. Position is everything
If you’re the receiver, you’ll want to be in a position that allows you the most control. If you want to control the scene, the best position is lying on your side while being spooned.
Yes, doggy style is a great position because the penis can be inserted easily… But, if it’s your first time, you either want your partner to be able to see your face or either be in a position where you can control the movements. [Read: Ways to make doggy style your favorite sex position]
15. Start shallow
Before going for the whole shebang, especially if it’s the very first time you’re having anal sex, start in the shallow end with a bit of butt play.
Before you insert your penis, use your fingers. Lube them up as much as you can and rub very gently. After a few minutes of this, slowly push the finger in. Any gentle massaging of the anus with lubrication will help relax the sphincter muscles. This will feel amazing and is a great way to prepare for anal sex.
16. Slide it in gently
Very gently, push the tip of the penis against the anus. With enough lube and foreplay, it should slide in fairly easily. Still, it is of utmost importance to go extremely slowly. [Read: 22 reasons why women fake an orgasm so often]
Go in about an inch or two inches and then stop and wait. Don’t do anything for two minutes, not just the tip to and fro, or frenzied humping.
Let the receiver get used to the feeling of having anal sex for the first time. Communicate, touch each other, and kiss if you’re in a position that allows it.
It may help the receiver to move while the partner giving stays still. Talk to your partner about what feels good and doesn’t, and you’ll soon find your rhythm. [Read: Meaning of safe words, best examples & 27 ways to use them in rough play]
17. Communicate to your partner
Anal sex is best when you openly and freely communicate with your partner. So, if something doesn’t feel right, you need to tell your partner. They don’t know what’s going on, they’re only feeling one side of the experience.
If something hurts, don’t let it continue. It’s a sign you need to change the position or add more lube. Pay attention to your body. [Confession: What does anal sex feel like, mentally and physically?]
18. Use sex toys
When it comes to learning how to have anal sex, remember that the act isn’t strictly for the penis only. In fact, you can have a great anal sex experience using fingers and sex toys. Have fun with it!
Try anal sex with sex toys such as butt plugs, anal beads, and vibrators. They can stimulate areas of the rectum that the penis simply cannot. [Read: 15 most common types of sex toys all singles and couples MUST know about]
Oh, but don’t forget, even with sex toys, you’ll need to lubricate them. And don’t forget to wash them before using them in your vagina.
19. Stay lubed up
While you’re having sex, continue to make sure the penis stays lubed up, or else your fun time can turn into a dry experience. No one wants that.
So, keep the good times rolling by adding lube throughout anal sex. Whether you’re the receiver or the giver, you’ll be able to feel when it needs more lube.
20. Focus on everywhere else too
Once you’ve got it going, and know how to have anal sex gently, kiss, suck on a breast, and rub her clitoris with your finger, or better yet with a vibrator.
Don’t start pumping away furiously as they do in bad porn, keep a moderate pace. Finally, don’t forget to enjoy yourselves. [Read: How to experience anal sex orgasms with the right moves]
21. Never go from the anus back to the vagina
After having anal sex, your partner’s penis, fingers, or toys cannot go into your vagina. When you’re caught up in the moment, it’s easy to overlook these things.
But seriously, you have to keep this in your mind during sex. The anus has bacteria that can cause vaginal infections, so before having vaginal intercourse, make sure that your partner washes his penis, fingers, or toys with warm water and soap.
Therefore, hygiene is of the utmost importance. [Read: Perfect pretty pussy – 22 ways to make your vagina more beautiful]
22. Have some baby wipes ready
As we said, you’ll need to be cautious about where you put your toys/penis after you’ve had anal sex. Instead of going to the bathroom and wasting precious minutes, keep some baby wipes by the bed for quickly cleaning themselves.
You may think it’s silly, but when you’re aroused, the last thing you want is for them to leave the bed. [Read: How to have safe sex in every single way it is possible to]
23. Reciprocate it
Take it extremely slowly, and do this a few times before you try the real thing. And gentlemen, it’s only fair, if she wants to try doing the same to you, let her. [Read: What is pegging? All the hidden backdoor facts to get a guy started]
A bonus here, it’ll also help you understand the sensations so you can work your way through your partner’s bum keeping her pleasure and pain tolerance in mind.
24. Anal sex shouldn’t hurt
Contrary to popular belief, having a penis inside your rectum isn’t supposed to cause you pain. If it’s hurting, then you’re not doing it right.
Remember to use a lot of lube while having anal sex, which should prevent any pain from occurring. If you’re still feeling pain and your partner is heavily lubricated, then try changing the position.
It could be the angle that isn’t working for you. Either way, it can be an easy fix. [Read: Is anal sex hurting you? You’re probably making these mistakes]
25. It’s not for everyone
If you give anal sex a try using all these tips and you still didn’t enjoy it, that’s okay, anal sex isn’t for everyone. The important thing is that you gave it a try.
Now, scratch it off the list and know that it isn’t for you. However, the first time is always a little awkward so, if you’re still not sure, give it another chance and then make up your mind. [Read: Backdoor fun – here’s how to have anal sex the right way]
Anal sex positions
Now that you know how to prepare for anal sex, you also need to know some positions that will work for you. Here are some that you can try.
1. The curly wurly
Lie down together with your bodies close together with the receiving partner nestled closely in front, knees brought up to their chest, and gently ease on top. This is very similar to the spooning position.
2. Doggy style
Just as you would do the doggy style with a penis in the vagina, you can also do it with anal sex. After all, the anus and vagina aren’t that far from each other. [Read: Anal sex positions that make backdoor sex feel so darn good]
3. Missionary position
You probably think the missionary position is pretty vanilla and is only reserved for vaginal sex. But it can be used for anal too. It’s a much more intimate experience than doggy style because you are facing each other.
Anal sex don’ts
Because anal sex is a delicate thing to do, there are some don’ts that you need to remember.
1. Don’t go from the anus back into the vagina
As we mentioned earlier, there is a lot of bacteria in the rectum that is not good for the vagina.
If you go right from the anus to the vagina without washing, then it could cause some pretty serious infections. [Read: Blindfold sex – 18 sexy tips and positions to mute one sense and explore sex]
2. Don’t go in hard and fast
Sure, you might be really eager to have anal sex, but you need to slow down. Going in too hard and fast can really hurt you and can even potentially even damage you and your partner.
3. Don’t pull out too fast
Just as you shouldn’t go in too fast, don’t come out too fast either. If you’ve been at it a while, the lube could have started to wear off, so you don’t want to injure anyone by pulling out too fast. Remember, this is not a naturally lubricated vagina.
4. Don’t keep doing it if your partner is in pain
If anyone is in pain, you need to stop immediately! Communicate how you’re feeling and discuss possible solutions with your partner. [Read: When sex hurts for women – the causes of painful sex]
Foods not to eat before bottoming
You might not think that food would affect your experience with anal sex, but it’s also an important factor in preparing for it. So, here are some foods that you shouldn’t eat before bottoming.
1. Junk food and processed foods
Your stomach doesn’t like foods high in fat, salt, or sugar. So, if you want to have anal sex, stay away from junk or processed foods such as fast food or desserts. [Read: Nom-nom no-nos – 17 foods to avoid before having sex]
2. Red meat and sausages
You don’t have to completely avoid red meat, but these fatty and fermented foods should only be consumed in moderation before you have anal sex. Instead, get your protein from white meats, eggs, non-fatty fish, or vegetables.
3. Coffee, alcohol, and cigarettes
The combination of coffee, alcohol, and cigarettes can cause more poop. And you don’t want to have more of that if you are trying to focus on hygiene.
4. Artificial sweeteners
Not only are artificial sweeteners potentially carcinogenic, but they can also have the same effect as a laxative. [Read: Aphrodisiacs and food hell – a lover’s guide to eating well]
They cause your stomach to swell too. So, don’t drink too many diet sodas, and you’ll also cut down on unwanted gas.
5. Fermented dairy products
Another thing you should avoid before bottoming is fermented dairy products. The most important ones to avoid are yogurts and most cheeses.
6. Spicy foods
Spicy food can give you hemorrhoids, and that is definitely not something you want if you’re trying anal sex. [Read: What does a pussy taste like? The secrets that give the vagina its flavor]
Can you imagine how much it would hurt if you had them? So, just avoid eating anything hot before you do it.
If your partner says no to anal play
Research shows that only about 2% of women actually enjoy anal sex, while about 36% of them have tried it at least once. [Read: Naughty sex – 17 wild and playful moves to excite anyone and go crazy in bed]
As a result, there is a good chance that a woman may not want to have anal sex. And some men prefer not to do it too. So, what should you do if your partner says no to it?
Of course, everyone has the right to say no to anything that they don’t want to do. And they also have the right to do what seems exciting and pleasurable to them.
So, to manage the difference of opinion between you and your partner, you can ask open-ended questions. Here are a few you can try. [Read: Different types of penises – 18 shapes and ones that feel oh-so-good or meh inside you]
1. What do you think would be exciting about anal sex?
2. Can you think about your feelings and tell me why you are resisting having anal sex?
3. What is your biggest concern or complaint?
4. Would fantasizing about it together out loud give you some satisfaction even if we didn’t actually act on the fantasy of having anal sex?
These questions can help each partner feel heard even if you don’t see any way to compromise. Of course, ultimately, your partner has the right to say no to anal sex, but it’s important that both partners feel respected and heard regarding their opinions.
Final thoughts on how to prepare for first time anal sex
Not everyone will like having anal sex, same as any other sexual act. However, you shouldn’t let the idea of the pain completely scare you off of anal sex if you are interested in trying it out.
Don’t confuse discomfort for pain, the first time you have anal sex will probably feel pretty strange. But with enough preparation and communication, it should not hurt.
Follow these steps on how to have anal sex right, and the chances are that you’ll both enjoy it. Try a few more times later, you’ll find that as you both become more comfortable and confident with it, it will only get better and better.
If you don’t like it, hey, at least you tried. We could all use a little more kink in our lives.
[Read: The top 50 kinky ideas you need to try at least once for a real sex relationship]
Don’t let yourself fall into the belief that anal sex is painful. It’s not, you just need to know how to prepare for anal sex the right way. So, follow these tips and get yourself ready for a fun and new experience.
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